How To Forgive: When You Want To Let It Go But Just Can't

Now I don’t know what “it” is for you all. “It” could be any number of things. It could be that somebody hurt you. Maybe your spouse or your mother in law said something that just keeps echoing in your mind and you can’t seem to let it go and move on. Maybe somebody wronged you. Maybe your neighbor got an extra car and he now parks in his driveway AND your parking spot. Maybe you didn’t get the promotion you were clearly next in line to get. Maybe you got skipped, forgotten, left behind, walked over or disrespected. 

Or maybe you messed up. Maybe you dropped the ball big time. Everyone says it’s okay but you just can’t move on and forgive yourself. Maybe you hurt someone else. Maybe you really hurt someone you love and you just don’t know how to move forward. Maybe you failed at something that wanted to prosper. 

We’ve all been in all of these situations. Then we enter that nasty cycle of destroying ourselves by going over and over every detail of the situation repeatedly in our minds. We are so hard on us. This nasty cycle of thought is actually called “rumination.” To ruminate is to think long and hard about something. It can be a very destructive habit depending on what you are choosing to think on. 

Today I want to share sometimes for What To Do When You Want To Let It Go But Just Can’t!


If you have been a Christian for any period of time you have probably heard the phrase “renew your mind.” It comes from Romans 12:2 which says, ”Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Your thoughts are very powerful! 

When we get stuck on an offense, whether it was our own or something someone has done to us, we allow that offense to take over our minds. We filter our love through it. We let it consume our thoughts and minds. We become a slave. Jesus paid too high a price for us to lock ourselves away in a mental prison. This is a pattern we have to break and the best way to break it is through renewing your mind. 

Ephesians 4:20-24 says,

” But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” 

Renewing your mind requires you to be willing to unlearn some things and replace those things with God’s Truth. 


I have been victimized I my life. I have had priceless & irreplaceable things taken from me. I was a victim and most people would have agreed with me and allowed me to play that role. Eventually, you have to repent though if you want to be free from it. Now I bet your startled that I would tell victims to repent. I was shocked when I, as a victim, learned I had to repent in order to move on and live in victory. 

Lots of people don't understand what metanoia actually means. Metanoia is the Greek word that we translate to “repent.” Repent does not mean that you confess some guilt. It means that you change what you think. You can be a victim or you can walk in victory. It’s all in the perspective you choose to view life through. 


That’s right, forgive. First off let me remind you that forgiving doesn’t mean that whoever committed the offense, whether it was someone else or yourself, is innocent. It doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen or that you pain, or the pain you caused isn’t warranted. Forgiveness means that you are not going to live the rest of your life with this offense in your heart. You are not going to filter your life through this hurt and pain. You are not going to hold this against this person for the rest of your days. 

Forgiveness sets you free. Unforgiveness is a prison with no lock. You’ve just duct taped yourself in there to rot away. The person that hurt you is probably fine. You are suffering. That is why God tells us to forgive. You are free. He wants you to live free.

Now I am sure you are aware of how difficult it is to forgive yourself or others. Here is the key to forgiveness.

Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” Luke 7:47
"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:12

You cannot give what you have not received. In Luke 7 a woman with a bad reputation breaks into a very religious man's home just to get to Jesus. Imagine you haven't dinner with Reverend Jones and the Deacons from the church in honor of an Evangelist that’s traveling through. Suddenly Pinky, the neighborhood streetwalker, breaks in and throws herself at the evangelists feet. Scandalous right?! This woman begins to pour fancy oil on Jesus’ feet and she weeps over them, rinsing and washing them with her hair. 

The guests, of course, don’t understand such a display or why Jesus even let her touch Him. He tells them all that she is able to love so beautifully and deeply because she knows all that she has been forgiven of. She has received an understanding of all that she has been set free from. She knows all the ugly that God has not only pardoned but washed away and now love and worship and thanksgiving pour from her. 


Jesus told us to go and love as He had loved us. If you are struggling to forgive, or to just let it go and move on, you need to renew your mind by repenting and choosing to believe that Jesus loves you. God has completely forgiven you. He accepts you right now just as you are. He’s not angry or scared of your mistakes. He knows you fully and He loves you. He loves you right now. Brokenhearted, mess and all. 

You are forgiven therefore you can forgive. 

Meditate on these truths. Read any of these posts and write down the verses. Meditate on them! 
4 Things To Tell Yourself Today, 12 Verses To Remind You Who You Are In Christ | Identity in Christ Verses, Four Verses For Those Who Feel Forgotten

Back to ruminating. Ruminating means to “chew the cud.” It’s the image of a cow who chooses his food forever. I believe they even swallow it, regurgitate it and chew it some more. Lovely imagery, right? This is the idea of meditating, God’s version of ruminating. You need to chew on these Truths constantly. You want to let it go and move on? You have got to change those thoughts. When the negative thoughts and accusations come you have got to replace them with the Truth. 

That’s how you live free, rather than as a slave to your mind & it’s destructive thoughts. That is how you walk out of the unlocked prison cell of unforgiveness. That is how you live a life that overflows with love and thanksgiving. This is how you let go of that thing that you just haven’t been able to move on from. That is how you go from a victim to a survivor who walk and lives in victory! 

I hope this helps you and fires you up as much as it does me! If this post helps you at all I ask you to consider sharing it with your friends and followers. Maybe this can help some of them as well! Let’s pray this message spreads like wildfire. 

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Thank you guys so much for reading! Thank you for sharing and for being a part of this community! Be blessed and free this week y’all.