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It is a basic human need to love and be loved. It’s what we all want but it can be difficult to achieve. This is where the love languages come in.
I am always analyzing the people around me and trying to figure out what their dominant languages and Enneagram types are. Love Languages are an extraordinary and powerful tool that I just don't think many people are utilizing and I think that’s because though many people have heard of them, few people know why they matter. So here is why Love Languages matter.
What Are The Love Languages?
So first things, first. You may not know what the languages even are. The Five Love Languages is a best selling book written by the brilliant Gary Chapman. He discovered that there are 5 ways or languages that everyone uses to communicate love. Whatever that is, it is also the most powerful way you receive love. The 5 languages are Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch and Gifts. If you want more information on each one I highly suggest you pick up the book! You can grab a copy of it here.
Why They Matter
It helps you understand you.
When I read the Quality Time section of the book I just sobbed. I still can not read that section of the book and not cry. I was that child who grew up feeling unloved. I spent most of my life under the lie that I was not lovable. When I finally understood that my Love Language (Quality Time) meant that I felt most loved when I was made to feel important, so much just clicked for me.
Knowing and understanding your language will help you know and understand your needs. It will put into perspective the effects long-term unmet needs have had in your life.
For me it was life changing to realize that I wasn’t broken or unlovable. I just had a language that wasn’t being spoken. There was nothing wrong with me. I was wired by God to give and receive love this way.
Love Languages can change the way people who feel unloved look at their lives. I can now look back and see I wasn’t unloved. People were showing love just in ways that I didn’t catch.
It helps you understand others.
If my first year of marriage has taught me anything, it is that relationships take work. Knowing someone’s love language is a great tool to have in your arsenal. I am a Quality Time girl but my husband is a Acts of Service guy. I can bombard him with all the Quality Time in the world but because that’s not his language it won't have the impact on his heart that I am trying to communicate. Love Languages matter because they help you to understand what others need from you.
This can change the way you raise your kids, love your spouse and care for those you minister to. If your kid is a gifts Love Language, it’s important to them that they know that you know them well and they love it when you give them something tangible to remind them of that. You can verbally affirm them all day and it won't mean much to them. A well thought out gift, big or small, will overflow their little love tanks.
If your spouse is a Words of Affirmations guy, he needs to hear that what he does matters and he needs to hear where he stands with you. You can give him tons of gifts but that just won't be what he needs.
People You Love May Not Know It
I grew up thinking that I was not loved. That was not true but the enemy loves stuff like that. Now I can look back through eyes of grace and see that my parents just weren't educated that there are different ways to love. They didn't know that love looks different for different people.
The Love Languages matter because people matter. Your spouse NEEDS to know that you love them. Your kids NEED to know that you love them. You family and friends and neighbors are all just as hungry for love as you and I!
Learning the 5 languages arms you to love people well. It takes work to learn new languages but the bottom line is people are worth it and that is why Love Languages matter.
This just scratches the surface of the amazingness that is Love Languages. Seriously pick up The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman on Amazon and watch it change your marriage and relationships. They have so many awesome versions now too. There's a singles version, a parenting version, one specifically for men, another for teens and even a military version!
You can check out my Tips for Loving Your Acts of Service Love Language Spouse or my Tips for Loving Your Physical Touch Love Language Spouse.
This really is one of my favorite topics to talk about. Comment below and tell me what you love language is! Did you have an emotional reaction when you learned your language like I did? What language do you struggle to speak the most? Let's discuss.
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As always, we're glad you're here. Thanks for reading and sharing.
Be kind to yourself this week and remember you are wildly loved.