It can be tough to imagine any good coming from painful losses. My husband and I have suffered two miscarriages and the pain and shock they bring. After having walked through both of those hard seasons, I would love to share what I learned about the Father.
I will start by saying when we lost our first baby in 2015 I blamed God. It was in that season I realized I wasn’t sure who He was or how He could be trusted. The next year was a healing journey for me, and the Father continued to pursue my heart and teach me about His nature and He response to loss.
When we lost our second baby in 2017, I clung to my Father as best as one can when facing that kind of pain. Mike and I both, declared we would not blame Him for this loss, and we tried our best to invite Him into our mourning as we knew this grieved His heart too.
We don’t understand it all. We don’t have everything figured out, but we have, from our losses, learned who He is and today I want to share.
He’s Not The Cause Of It
If you go back to the garden, you can see the Father’s original plan for humanity. We were created to live in fellowship with Him and to fill the earth with goodness. We introduced sin and death into the world.
I point that out to point out the truth that it was never the Father’s plan to have suffering and heartache among us. When things happen now to cause it, we can be so quick to blame Him and assume that somehow our loss and suffering are from Him.
Even after we choose our way, He continued to make way for us to one day be completely free from loss and sadness forever. In the meantime, we have a very real enemy whom scripture says is the father of lies and he is the source of theft, murder, and destruction.
There is also free will, meaning we can’t control the actions of those around us and the Father doesn’t either. The world is fallen but the Father is always good, and the good news is He is more than okay with our process of walking out that truth.
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He Never Leaves Us In It
When we lost our first baby, the Father told me that He would heal my heart. I said, “no thank you.” I sat down, and I closed communication. I didn’t know where He and I stood or whether or not I could trust Him.
You can read about how I learned to trust God here.
The crazy thing is, even though I told Him to leave me alone, He continued to pursue me. He never left in my pain and sorrow. He never gave up or let me go. Even when I was blaming Him for the death that broke His heart as well, He kept coming after me.
1 Kings 19 tells the story of Elijah when he was very discouraged and went into the wilderness. There he told God that he wanted to die and in response, the Father gave him the strength to live by providing for his needs.
He’s just so good. Life can be so hard and so heartbreaking at times, but in those seasons He promises closeness to us. (Psalm 34:18) His presence will stay with us through it all.
He Can Redeem It
I know. This is a tough one. This is the one I didn’t want to hear when I was smack dab in the middle of my fresh grief. So if you are grieving today and those wounds are still fresh know that this is not me making light of your pain. I’m only sharing my experience, and maybe this point is too soon for you.
I lost two children in pregnancy. The last thing I wanted to hear was about all the good the Father would bring out of my losses. I wanted my babies. What could redeem that?
He has though. It didn’t come how I expected or look how I anticipated. As time has progressed there has been redemption. It still hurts, but there is so much hope and healing that has come for us and others through these losses.
He Mourns With Us
The story of Lazarus in John 11 shows us that God weeps with us. When Jesus saw the pain and heartache of His friends at the loss of their brother, He was moved to tears even though He knew He would soon raise Lazarus from death.
Psalm 56:8 tells us that the Father collects our tears. He’s keeping record of everyone because they matter to Him. Even looking back at the story of Elijah, God will sit with us in our pain and mourning.
Psalm 34:18 promises that He will be close to us when our hearts are broken. He will not leave us in our challenging seasons.
He Will Avenge It
This one kind of excited me! There a source of death and destruction and one day he will pay the price for it. My favorite verse for unjust losses and miscarriages is Psalm 9:12-14 which says:
He tracks down killers and avenges bloodshed, but he will never forget the ones forgotten by others, hearing every one of their cries for justice. So now, O Lord, don’t forget me. Have mercy on me. Take note of how I’ve been humiliated at the hands of those who hate me. Bring me back again from the brink, from the very gates of death. Save me! Bring me to the spiritual gates of Zion so I can bring you the shout of praise you deserve.
In my loss, I saw that my Father would make injustices right. He has not forgotten or moved on from our sufferings. Jesus will return a mighty warrior. Hell will answer for the destruction and pain it has spread.
Loss hurts. It sucks. There is a season where you can’t make sense of it all. You can’t be bothered to look for the positives, and that is okay. If you are mourning, know that we honor that pain and we are so sorry for that loss, and we pray that the Father would so meet you in that place that peace would surround and protect you while you grieve.
If you have entered into a season of healing, I pray these findings of mine encourage you and challenge you to really seek the Father’s heart in response to hard stuff and loss. If you ask He will answer.
I would love to hear your story of God’s faithfulness in hard times. Please share below in the comments, or you can reach out to us on Instagram or email! The conversations these posts inspire is seriously my favorite part.
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